I’m 43 days in. And, life is better. At first, I thought it was the small things. A little more sleep, a little more money (liquor is expensive y’all), and a little clearer head. But now I’m realizing, the small things are adding up.
For example, I have more hours in my day. I used to start drinking promptly at 5pm. If you got (or were going to get) in the way of that, I could be very good at manipulating the situation so you didn’t. Whether it was a grumpy mood so you just left me alone, a “no” to whatever you wanted to do, or a quick drink when no one was looking (oops) so I couldn’t do the pick-up, the need to drink was more important than whatever you wanted or needed. And after 5 pm, my day was effectively over. I may have been there with you, but I wasn’t. When I woke up the next morning the only thing I was doing was hating myself and promising not to drink ever again. What you told me was not in my memory at all. This morning though, I remember what I talked to my children about at dinner.
Another example. Yesterday, I went snowboarding with my family. It cost a lot of money. But now that I’m not buying liquor all the time, it’s ok. So, I didn’t say no. We went out and rented everything! Boards, boots, pants, jackets, helmets, the works. But it was worth it. It was a great day. I am already sore this morning, and I can feel where the bruises will be showing up later, but I remember all of it.
And I didn’t have a headache all day. When my son wanted to stay out on the slopes a little longer, I said yes. I didn’t have to get back to the condo to drink water, take four ibuprofen and then nap so I could be ready at 5. I mean did eventually go back and do all that, but it’s because I’m 44 and snowboard like bambi on ice.
So now, I am up. Instead of drinking too much last night and punishing my body even more, I stretched, got in a hot tub, drank water, took the aforementioned ibuprofen, and napped. I’m not saying my body is perfect (to quote the classic Friday, “my neck and my back”), but I’m not wasting the morning hating life and counting hours until I think I can maybe get out of bed and not feel completely dead. Instead, I’m writing. And I’m planning. I need to make sure we can go on our next snowboarding adventure. Because I remember what my children told me at dinner last night.